Sometimes we get to a point in our lives when we feel stuck, and cannot see any way out of a problem or situation. During those times it’s natural to feel and behave as though the circumstances are immovable, like a tree.
It then becomes so easy to spiral into a negative thought pattern where you may use language such as; I can’t, it won’t work, it’s impossible, there is no way…
We have all been there. The problem is, when we think in that way, we are actually blocking the solution. The deeper we go down that rabbit hole, the harder it is to get out of there.
I found myself in this situation a few years ago. I had started my career in the corporate world. I was ambitious and wanted a senior role and pursued it passionately. I quickly progressed through several businesses and into the position of HR Director in my late 30’s. However, after several years, although I found some aspects stretching, the corporate world just wasn’t fulfilling me. I was working long hours, traveling across Europe and not spending time with my family.
Since my 20’s I’d wanted to run a business but was always waiting. Waiting for that right time.
I’d discussed leaving my job with James, my partner, for years. He always encouraged me to pursue my career in anyway that was fulfilling. Even with that encouragement and support, I didn’t. I couldn’t just leave, that was so irresponsible. How would we pay for everything while I set up a business? What if it didn’t work out. I would have left a senior role for nothing and then where would I be. How would I get another job, there aren’t hundreds of HR Director roles advertised every week. So, I plodded on for years, waiting for that right time.
I kept telling myself I should be grateful, I was lucky as I had a secure job, with a great salary. But no matter what, I felt unfulfilled and stressed.
I knew what to do in my job and the regular income was amazing. There was no way I could leave it. I thought of applying for another job, perhaps the change would help, but that did not fill me with excitement either. I saw no way out for years.
Then one day, after all those years of thinking about it, I just did it. I made that decision and took the plunge.
I decided to take some time out and really think about what type of business I wanted to run. Now that I had made this life changing decision, I didn’t want to rush from my corporate life into running a business that I wasn’t passionate about either.
During that time I discovered NLP and went on a training course, thinking it would improve some of my professional skills. During the course I went through many hours of intensive coaching and that’s where I had a eureka moment!
I discovered that I was creating my life and experience through my language and the way I thought, I was the one sabotaging it! During the coaching my thought process started to reverse, and I discovered I was actually in control of my thoughts and how I experienced my life; my thoughts did not control me and life was not happening to me – I was creating it, the good and the bad.
Within that course I found my passion, I knew that one thing I wanted to do in my business was help people get unstuck, move from the immovable. Help them deal with situations and find solutions where previously they struggled.
Because there are always solutions and possibilities but when our brain is in a state of worry, anxiety, confusion or fear we block the receptors which lead to those solutions.
I saw that the way I had been looking at my job, the security and believing this was the only way I could work, was actually blocking me from seeing an alternative pathway for so long. Mixed with everything I was telling myself, I can’t, there is no way, I would not find another job, all confirmed that.
Once I saw this and dropped that way of thinking and talking, life would be a lot easier. It was the fear of leaving my security that had been holding me back for all those years. Our brains are wired to protect us, this is great when we face an actual threat. But most of our fear based thinking is not an actual threat, it’s an imagined threat.
My fears were ‘what if I did not earn enough money? What if I cannot find any clients? What if I fail?’.
They were things that could happen; they were not certain, and none of them were a threat to my life.
Equally I could have said, ‘What if I earn more than my salary? What if I have many clients? What if I’m successful?.
When I looked at it that way, I felt excited rather than scared of the future and ideas of how I could start my business and make it work flowed to me.
If this sounds too simple, if you are reading this and asking, how can a simple reframing change everything? It really can be, once you know how our brains work and understand how you are standing in your own way of success, everything changes.
Since starting my business, I have not looked back once and it’s fulfilling and rewarding.