“When will they notice I’m not good enough?”
Have you ever said this or felt like a fraud?
It may comfort you to know that many of us get imposter syndrome and there are steps you can take to manage it and stop it from sabotaging your success. Once you acknowledge what it is and go to work on it, in time, it will go away.
It’s so common that even those at the top of their game get it.
“No matter what we’ve done, there comes a point where you think, ‘How did I get here? When are they going to discover that I am, in fact, a fraud and take everything away from me?’” Tom Hanks
“I still sometimes feel like a loser kid in high school and I just have to pick myself up and tell myself that I’m a superstar every morning so that I can get through this day and be for my fans what they need for me to be.” Lady Gaga
“Very few people, whether you’ve been in that job before or not, get into the seat and believe today that they are now qualified to be the CEO. They’re not going to tell you that, but it’s true.” Businessman and former Chairman and CEO of Starbucks, Howard Schultz,
“I have written 11 books, but each time I think, ‘uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.” Maya Angelou
So, what is imposter syndrome, and why does it happen?
Imposter syndrome was actually first known as “imposter phenomenon.” The phrase was coined in the 1970s by two psychologists, Suzanne Imes and Pauline Rose, who noticed many people they interacted with seemed to have an irrational worry of being found out as frauds, despite external evidence proving their competence.
Imposter syndrome refers to feelings of inadequacy, feeling like a fraud, attributing success to luck rather than skill and effort, and worrying about being found out. Usually all these feelings occur in people with imposter syndrome despite evidence of success.
It affects men and women equally and can affect a person’s success or career.
Left unchecked, people experiencing imposter syndrome often tend towards perfectionism.
Unhealthy perfectionism leads to unrealistic expectations that can’t be met, as well as a constant fear of failure.
The focus on doing everything perfectly can also lead to procrastination, because of the worry of not meeting those unrealistic expectations or a struggle to stop working on something that’s already good enough, while more work piles up. This can lead to overwhelm and ultimately stress.
Some of the common signs of imposter syndrome include:
- Self-doubt
- Thinking you are not good enough.
- Attributing your success to external factors
- Underplaying or being over critical of your performance
- A fear that you won’t live up to expectations
- A tendency towards overachieving and the need to prove yourself.
- Sabotaging your own success
- Setting unrealistic or challenging goals and feeling disappointed when you cannot achieve them.
Reasons to do something about it
Getting on top of this will mean you will be more successful. You can put your time and energy into your work rather than overthinking and worrying, which leads to stress.
What can you do about it?
To get past impostor syndrome, it is useful to start with asking yourself some hard questions. They might include things such as:
- What core beliefs do I hold about myself?
- Do I believe I am worthy of success and acceptance as I am right now?
- Must I be perfect for others to approve of me?
And then there are some steps you can take to improve it:
Share how you feel. You won’t be alone and others will relate to it. Understanding that there’s a name for these feelings and that you are not alone can be freeing.
Notice your feelings and do it, anyway. There are times you’ll feel self-conscious or scared. It happens to everyone from time to time. Realize that just because you have these feelings it doesn’t mean you’re not capable, you can continue with the task or project despite them.
Accept that there is nothing wrong with making mistakes or failure. We are human and we all make mistakes from time to time. The fear of failure holds so many back. There are some great lessons to take from sports athletes, who take the learning value from the loss or failure and use it to move on.
It’s ok to ask for help. Some of us have experiences in our past which mean we dislike being wrong or asking for help. Recognize that you have just as much right as the next person to be wrong, have an off-day, or ask for help.
Be aware of the voice in your head. Notice the conversation going on in your head when you’re in a situation that triggers your impostor feelings. Our brains are wired to protect us, and when we are scared, our frontal cortex takes over. Calm yourself down and then accept that if you are starting something new, it’s natural to have questions or fears, take it one step at a time and you will figure it out.
Visualize success. Do what professional athletes do. Spend time beforehand picturing yourself making a successful presentation or completing the task or project.
Fake it ‘til you make it. Sometimes we have to take a deep breath and step into the unknown. Many high achievers don’t wait until they feel confident before they put themselves out there. Courage comes from taking risks. There is that famous saying ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’, your confidence will build alongside it.
Work with a coach. There are leadership coaches, confidence coaches and success coaches, they have all had to go through this and have seen it crop up again and again in their clients. They can help guide you away from self sabotage and towards success.
Coaching and NLP combined are amazing for dealing with imposter syndrome. If you would like to have a chat about how I can help, book a call with me through my online diary.