Have you ever had a conversation with someone and felt as if you were speaking a different language?
If you’ve ever communicated with someone and been frustrated that they’re not getting your message, then you should know it’s not always their fault, or yours.
You can be the best communicator in the world but you are still not in control of how the other person listens or interprets your message.
For instance – a really simple example is you are all in the office and the air conditioning is on.
You find that you always get thirsty when it’s on, so you mentioned this to two of your colleagues.
‘The air conditioning makes me thirsty’.
One person will understand this as you intended it – the air conditioning makes you thirsty, perhaps it has the same effect on them.
The other may assume that you are hinting that you want the air conditioning off. They might then spend an amount of time feeling frustrated as it’s hot in the office. Working out how they can tell you that they want it left on.
You can see how your intentions to communicate your thoughts and feelings can be taken a different way by the lens through which the receiver is looking and listening.
In fact, we all look at life through our own lens, and all perceive things differently.
We choose to select different aspects of a message to focus our attention on based on what interests us, what is familiar to us, or what we consider important. This is because we are all made up of our own experiences, our upbringing, where we are born, our opinions and thoughts, etc. We shape our world with the knowledge we have.
This can mean that we can hear a conversation differently depending on how we are feeling or even what we have going on in life.
As well as words, there are all the other aspects that make up our communication, including our tone of voice, interference, body language, and pace.
These nonverbal messages influence how the receiver interprets what we are saying. We are constantly sending nonverbal messages to the world around us which can create a lasting impression for the surrounding people. These ‘impressions’ people have of us can influence their listening of us, for example, if you are always late for a meeting and people might assume that you don’t respect their time. They may perceive that you assume your time is more important than theirs.
You can see why negative nonverbal messages can affect business opportunities and reputation.
Our feelings and emotions can also play a big role in how we communicate and the way we are perceived. For instance, we may respond or say things differently when we’re angry or frustrated. When we’re upset or feeling low, we may commit to things that aren’t the right next step for us because we don’t feel like challenging it.
Last week I spoke about Emotional Intelligence. An aspect of this comes down to self-awareness. The ability to understand our own and others’ feelings will help you succeed when communicating with other people.
When we are aware of other’s emotions and feelings, we will communicate better, we will notice the emotions of other people, and how the way they are feeling influences the way they communicate. We will also be self aware enough to know when we are not in a good frame of mind to make a big decision or commitment and wait until we are.
When you take all of this into account, it’s a miracle that we all understand each other!
Would you like to improve your impact and influence, book a call with me and I’ll share some insights: CLICK HERE FOR A FREE DISCOVERY CALL