Ever dreaded a difficult conversation? Maybe you’ve spent hours sweating over a situation and avoiding it? You won’t be alone with that!
Some of the most difficult conversations we have are at work. If you’re wondering what some of the most common topics that people struggle with, here they are:
The Top 5 Difficult Conversations In The Workplace
- Pay (33%)
- Inappropriate behaviour in the workplace (31%)
- Feedback on poor performance (30%)
- Promotions (23%)
- Letting someone go from a job (10%)
What Makes A Difficult Conversation Difficult?
The reason these conversations feel difficult is because there are differences of opinion and there’s the potential for it to become emotional.
When it feels like expectations or positions are being challenged, it’s human nature to react in the moment with emotion. People are by nature emotional creatures. Emotions like fear, anger, frustration, disappointment and guilt are typical.
These emotions might have been pent up for a while and could be released strongly by either party. Conversations could become heated or individuals might start to become passive aggressive by ‘appearing’ to give in or sulking.
How To Have A Difficult Conversation
Here are 5 things to consider so that you get the best possible outcome from conversations that feel tricky.
- Self awareness and self regulation is absolutely critical. Dig into how you feel before you start the conversation. Get in touch with your emotions and decide how you’ll regulate them so that you remain focused and objective.
- Prepare the details. Get clear about the facts of the situation, being careful not to generalise or judge. Challenging your own assumptions and beliefs so that you’ve looked at the situation from a variety of angles.
- Prepare yourself. How will you handle it if they deflect? So, tell you someone else is worse or there was another time this happened and no-one dealt with it. How will you handle it if they become heated or passive aggressive? How will you handle it if they blame you?
- Manage yourself. During the conversation you should keep a check on your emotions and regulate them so that you remain calm and constructive.
- Listen. You’ve two ears and one mouth. It’s always best to listen fully to the other person’s perspective, seek to understand and appreciate their position and then respond. It’ll help them feel heard and understood & provide you with the best opportunity of getting a great outcome.
What Next?
I suggest that Leaders talk through these situations in advance with a trusted fellow leader, especially where there’s a high level of tension about the pending meeting and a chance that it could be derailed.
It’s something I support leaders with in my coaching and programmes.
Leaders often find this one of the most practical and enlightening sessions. It’s always better to learn from proactive practice than it is from painful mistakes!
If you’d like support with difficult conversations or other aspects of leadership then book a call with me using this link (BOOK A CALL) and let’s chat about how I can help
*CMI, 2020